Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Marley & Me: Shocking



Yes, I found this movie shocking, and here's why:

1. Two young people get married, even though the woman is not pregnant.
2. When she does get pregnant, they do not immediately divorce and her husband does not desert her, so that she has to be a SINGLE MOTHER.
3. A successful journalist, she decides that she will put her career aside to stay home and take care of her children, since she feels that when she is working she is doing neither job well, and that taking care of her children is more important than her career. Her husband does not really balk but decides to figure out how to get more money so she can stay at home.
4. We see that as a mother at home, there is indeed enough work so that she is exhausted and frazzled, but has no regrets that she left her job.
5. Neither partner ever contemplates divorce, even when things get tough and they face real disappointments and problems.
6. The womanizing friend of the husband is portrayed for exactly what he is: a jerk.
7. Each partner supports the other and seeks their own happiness in the happiness of the other. (Where did this come from?)

The DVD should come with a warning: This film is about a FUNCTIONAL family.

And a real functional family, not like the dysfunction in Little Miss Sunshine that we are supposed to embrace as the NEW Functional Family.

Strangely, watching Marley and Me was a lot of fun. Hope you get to see it.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Dad's Not Working, But Mom Is


Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom gives his kids a bath. Cleaning was not his strong suit.


According to an article in today's Financial Times of London, in the United States, a full 80 percent of the layoffs caused by the economic downturn are men, creating the biggest gap between men and women employment rates since 1948, when the rate by gender was first measured.

The Times reports: "Men have been disproportionately hurt because they dominate those industries that have been crushed: nine in every 10 construction workers are male, as are seven in every 10 manufacturing workers. These two sectors alone have lost almost 2.5m jobs. Women, in contrast, tend to hold more cyclically stable jobs and make up 75 per cent of the most insulated sectors of all: education and healthcare."

The effects of this on the household:

1. Less money than if the woman had been laid off. Says the Times: "The widening gap between male and female joblessness means many US families are solely reliant on the income the woman brings in. Since women earn on average 20 per cent less than men, that is putting extra strain on many households."

2. A dad at home that is likely none too happy about his situation, translating into more stress for kids.

3. A mother with now the duty of being the sole breadwinner, putting her under a lot more stress.

Let's hope this is all temporary, and we can return to a trend that sees more mothers able to stay home with young children.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Trends of the Times


Mothers back to work earlier than they had planned.

My neighbor has two wonderful children, toddler twins, a boy and a girl. When they were born she was able to stay at home and take care of them in their infancy, and she did not plan to go back to work until they were in grade school. But the economic downslide has changed that. Her husband was laid off, and my friend trudged back to work in disappointment, although not resentment. In this she seemed to be part of the trend I had read about in the Wall Street Journal, which reported that women are being forced to cut short their maternity leaves or go back to work before they had planned, leaving their pre-schoolers, because the economic downturn had forced their husbands into unemployment. I was saddened by the trend and also for my friend, who loved being with her children. Now her major time with her sweet youngsters is on the weekends. I hope that when the economy is on the mend again and their husbands hopefully are able to re-enter the employed labor force, these women will be able to come back home. However, it is likely that many will opt to work longer to make up for lost income.

My neighbor also told me that her husband was using unemployment as an opportunity to go back to school, "so that when the economy is better, he can get a better job than the one he had." This plan also is in keeping with a trend across the country among newly unemployed, as I had also read in the Wall Street Journal. I think this is a smart move, and I hope it works out for my friend and her husband.

Another trend of the economic downturn, is that families in our neighborhood with young children are unable to carry out their plans to move to larger homes with more private yard space, because of the slump in the housing market. This is disappointing for them, but not for me, because I love having these young families around. Yesterday I woke up to the voices of little ones playing in the toddler lot--a sound delightful to my ears.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

"To Make the Bears Dance"


Gustav Flaubert

I recently read Madame Bovary by Gustav Flaubert because various critics that I respect kept referring to it and its style as ground-breaking. Ever since Madame Bovary, James Wood says, novels are called upon to have to have a style. I had read it in college but did not remember it as a novel that particularly moved me. But in this reading, I found it to be the masterpiece it is usually considered to be. I read the English translation by Eleanor Marx Aveling, the first English translation, in the Barnes and Noble classic paperback edition. I feel that I have not yet penetrated truly what this book is about, although it surely depicts the hapless life of someone who lives in narcissistic illusion as well as the damage wrought by others who are the same but in a different style. Flaubert once said that Madame Bovary was actually a portrait of himself and that he had dissected himself without mercy. But I have a feeling that the devil is in the detail, and it would take other closer readings to approach an understanding of all that Flaubert means to say.

Aside from its psychological accuracy, I thought the book was a major achievement because of its use of language and image. Flaubert's descriptions of settings are so vivid that often I felt as I were in the scene myself. He also passes, seemingly without transition but without the slightest jolt, from the inner thoughts of one person to the next.

Sometimes we find a novel that uses images in a brilliant and beautiful way, but the poetry of these images almost runs like a counter plot to the book--that is, they run parallel with the story but are not part of it. In Madame Bovary, it is the images that raise the pathetic story of Madame Bovary to the level of art that is concerned with profound matters. His precise and poetic use of language serves to bring out the truth of the psychological moment, to say that which is so difficult "to put into words." For instance, the following paragraph took my breath away. It describes Madame Bovary's lover, Rodolphe, just before he sets down to the task of writing her his jilting letter. He shuffles around in the souvenir box of his love affairs and thinks about all the women who have written him love letters. Flaubert writes:

"In fact, these women, rushing at once into his thoughts, cramped each other and lessened, as reduced to a uniform level of love that equalised them all. So taking handfuls of the mixed-up letters, he amused himself for some moments with letting them fall in cascades from his right into his hand. At last, bored and weary, Rodolphe took back the box to the cupboard and said to himself, 'What a lot of rubbish!' Which summed up his opinion; for pleasures, like schoolboys in a school courtyard, had so trampled upon his heart that no green thing grew there, and that which passed through it, more heedless than children, did not even, like them, leave a name carved on the wall."

In my poetic paucity, I cannot imagine how Flaubert ever came up with such an image, which describes perfectly, as he wanted, what this man's heart was like and how it got that way.

This is but one of many such examples in Madame Bovary, and I am not surprised to read that Flaubert agonized over his work and spent hours upon hours on it. Earlier in the novel, Flaubert hints at his yearning as an artist as he registers Rodolphe's blase attitude toward Madame Bovary's effusive pleas of love for him:

"Because lips libertine and venal had murmured such words to him, he believed but little in the candour of hers; exaggerated speeches hiding mediocre affections must be discounted; as if the fulness of the soul did not sometimes overflow in the emptiest metaphors, since no one can ever give the exact measure of his needs, nor of his conceptions, nor of his sorrows; and since human speech is like a cracked tin kettle, on which we hammer out tunes to make the bears dance when we long to move the stars."

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy Saint Patrick's Day Everyone!


See Tea at Trianon for Saint Patrick's beautiful prayer, the Cry of the Deer (or Saint Patrick's Breastplate). This is one of my favorite prayers, made even more beautiful to me its name. The legend is that one of the Irish kings was warned against Patrick, who was proclaimed a "falsifier who is deceiving everyone." When the army plotted to attack Patrick in 433, there was a fog but all the soldiers could see were deer at the edge of the woods. But the next morning there were only the tracks of men at the edge of the wood, leading to the belief that Saint Patrick had been miraculously changed into a deer so that he could escape. According to the tradition, Saint Patrick composed the Cry of the Deer while in flight from this ambush.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Putting Things in (Painterly) Perspective

Self-Portrait of Jan Steen: Painter of the Dutch Golden Age








Reached for his comments on the many economic and social problems that afflict the United States and its households today, the great Dutch painter Jan Steen (1626-1679) simply said that nothing was new under the sun. He said he had no words to describe his thoughts on the subject, only paintings, and referred me specifically to these, which I now share:


Beware of Luxury: Households were crumbling under credit card debt for acquisition of luxury goods.


The Idlers: Unemployment and all its attendant evils were on the rise.


Effects of Intemperance: Substance abuse left adults dumb and children without supervision.


The Village School: Kids didn't learn anything in schools and paid no attention to the "teacher."


Love Sickness: People thought only about sex and their e-mails.


The Burgher: While the poor suffered, fat cats took the money for themselves.


The Doctor's Visit: Only the rich could afford health care.

Asked what could be possible antidotes to these ills, Mr. Steen with a nod, pointed me to these paintings:


Grace Before the Meal: Remember what is truly important and be thankful.


The Schoolmaster: Forget Dr. Spock.


Self-Portait as a Lutenist: Never lose your sense of humor.